so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
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So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
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I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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