I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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