I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
