this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
