This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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