Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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