Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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