apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I am available for nakedness
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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