we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
