You just made me feel so damn special
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
