my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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