I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
