It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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