Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
