Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
