Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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