at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
