Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.