WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
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Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This baby is an asshole
The pigeons can smell the fear
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
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I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again