My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
