You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
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I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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