the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
