I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
