We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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