Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
