Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
