Redeem this text for a blowjob
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
