Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
