dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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