you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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