He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
