I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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