Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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