party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
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we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
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i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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