So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
