i think i have two assholes
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
