Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My bed smells like the plague
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
