You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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