Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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