I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
