I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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