I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
