I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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