He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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