she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
