if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
