she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
