halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
