She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
