At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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