Plan B is the new Plan A
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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