I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Randomize
