I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
