Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
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You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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