Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
