Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
