Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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