Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
