You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
