Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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