3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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