I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize