She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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