I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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