i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
